“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”
~John Steinbeck, East of Eden
After we were married, Parker and I honeymooned and moved to San Diego all within like two weeks. I didn’t have a job and I was homesick. On most days, Parker would wake up early and head to work while I would stay in bed until 10:00 am with my dog Buttercup. I would finally get up, take BC out to do her business, come back inside and sit on the couch for the next few hours eating cereal, possibly visiting the pool at some point. I didn’t know what to do with myself even though I was living in one of the most amazing cities and just down the street from the Pacific Ocean.
After a few weeks, I slowly started coming out of my funk and instead of watching daytime television, I picked up a book. I chose East of Eden and I was instantly enamored. To this day, Steinbeck’s story is my favourite novel and I’m reading it once again, although at a much slower pace given my life as a mom of four.
I can say for sure my current “homesickness” is far deeper than when I made my first major move after college. My adult years were spent in San Diego and I feel like I grew into myself, having raised my children and put down roots with Parker.
Sometimes I miss it so much my heart aches, but I’m not 23, I’m 38 and I have four kids and I need to get my butt out of bed. I wallow, but not for too long because I know sadness and anxiety can be paralyzing.
I think about visiting San Diego in the late winter and I wonder, is it too soon? We just left and it may feel like having to say goodbye all over again. Plus, I remember flying with four kids, in the winter, with a layover in Toronto and I feel nauseous. I’ve always felt quite capable traveling solo with my kids, but I may have met my match, at least until it warms up or if I can enlist an adult traveling companion. Presently taking applications…
I’m grateful my best friend Alisha is coming to visit us in March. She’s leaving frigid Minnesota for a somewhat less cold Nova Scotia and I couldn’t be more appreciative. My best friend is the bestest.
Until then, I’m focusing on the good that is to become. I’m grateful I live by the Atlantic Ocean, in a beautiful province where lots of new memories and connections will be made.