“Patience, he thought. So much of this was patience – waiting, and thinking and doing things right. So much of all this, so much of all living was patience and thinking.”
As Mother’s Day approaches, I’ve been reminiscing lately about the my life as a mom. Weirdly enough, I feel as if I have come full circle and am back somewhat where I started at the age of twenty four.
Based on today’s standards, when I had a Sophie, I was considered young for motherhood. Being that I had only been in San Diego for a short time, I felt somewhat isolated. Most of the friends I had made were working, single or dating and without kids. I was the lone mom. Eventually, my friends starting having children and my life was about playgroups, play gyms and play dates. I loved getting out, being social and meeting new people.
My life evolved with each of my kids and by August of 2016 I had three kids, in three different schools, was teaching part time and would become pregnant with Ellinor in the late winter. I had a well established network of friends with whom we were raising our kids. Our schedules didn’t warrant as much free time but I had 15 years in San Diego and I definitely wasn’t going it alone.
Now, in sense, I am back where I started thirteen years ago except thirty-eight year old Betsy is less social than before and the notion of making new friends seems exhausting. I love quiet and I crave time to just hang with Parker or get out as a family.
The other day, I took Elsa, Soren and Ellinor to an indoor play place and as we walked in I thought “so, here we go again…”. I smiled at a few moms but instead of socializing, I found contentment in a sleeping baby, two kids burning energy, an iced tea and an uninterrupted moment just to sit. In general, I have enjoyed cultivating and preserving my current friendships versus throwing myself back into the social mom scene.
I recently read this New York Times article and it thoughtfully and humorously explains why making friends later in life can be a challenge. Now having moved and in my late thirties, I’m happy with finding what the author refers to as K.O.F’s (Kind of Friends). He goes on to say, “As people approach midlife, the days of youthful exploration, when life felt like one big blind date, are fading. Schedules compress, priorities change and people often become pickier in what they want in their friends.”
Ultimately, in moving, I have felt this midlife change more profoundly. I intend to use this self imposed quiet time to reflect and hopefully focus more on myself now that my life has shifted. I need to figure out Canadian Betsy.
Happy Mother’s Day to all! Keep on, keeping on ❤️